we never really know how to let go
It's like we're stuck between reality and make belief,
caught between the truth and "say it ain't so".
All of a sudden, you're reminded
of how much that person mattered to you
How much you cant or don't want to live without them
all the things you wanted to say or do.
With each memory,
your heart breaks
world turned upside down
like the aftermath of a terrible earthquake.
Gazing into space, still shaking,
overcome with guilt
feeling like it's all your fault,
like you could have somehow prevented it.
tears well up your eyes
cuz you wish they were still around
you see their faces when you close your eyes
their laughs, their voices, you still hear the sound.
There's an unbearable pain in your chest
and you cry even though crying won't bring them back
you try everything to distract yourself
but it's all in vain
cuz everything and everyone reminds you of them
and that just adds to the pain
the anguish you suffer all because you love
no matter what you do it never feels like enough...
....to honour their memory, ...to celebrate their lives
it's almost two years now since my grandmother died
and I'm still dying inside
confused by the dreams I have of her
wondering if this will continue forever
I am not as strong
I am not as complete
the more I lose, the more I wanna isolate myself
be that impenetrable island
Alone I stand, I miss nothing or no-one
Alone I stand
...Alone
Kavon McKenzie
Copyright 2010
