Pride

Pardon me as I narrate life
From the sensitive eyes of my heart
Eyes that sometimes see what they want to
As the letters get smaller on life's chart
I put my trust in God
Depending on no one else...but me
They say my pride stands in my way
But it ignites the passion that fuels me
If that leads to my demise
And I never kiss the skies
Then so be it
Cuz I believe with all my heart
That one day I'll be rewarded for all my tries
You see I take pride in my work
And in time I'll be fairly compensated for my effort
Loving what I do more and more each day
Trying my best to be thankful in everything and not only when I pray
I'm gonna keep believing, fighting, putting in blood, sweat and tears
Until the world sees and appreciates the greatness within me
I really hate saying it but I will remind you that I told you so
...Now fuck you, pay me


Kavon McKenzie Copyright 2011

insomnia

Oldies on the radio
Crickets harmonizing to the beat
Lizards ad lib
While I'm here trying to sleep
Occasionally a car speeds past
Announced by roars from the engine and exhaust
Some, the thud of finding the pothole at my gate
As if it were lost
Scent of insomnia fills the air
Aroma rich like it was freshly brewed and poured into my mug
And like a starving, homeless person,
I gulped it all up
Why did I even say that word?
Starving...damn it!!
The worms' war cry echo in my sleep forsaken room
Too lazy to get up though
Is it really after 2?
And I gotta get up at 6?
Looks like coffee is gonna be my best friend today
I need to put this phone down
Close my eyes and force myself to sleep
Now I lay me down to....



October 13

Kavon McKenzie Copyright 2011

Ten years later

She was forced to Her knees. Desperately trying to fight back, but the element of surprise rendered Her attempts at self-defense useless. He had his way with Her. A feeling of pity and disgust exploded inside Her. She remembers lying there after, curled up in fetal position, bewildered to say the least, knowing without a doubt, that Her life, as She knew it...was over. Things would never be the same. An experience that not only changed Her life, but the lives of those who interacted with Her.

It was so traumatic and painful, that She is yet to recover. Partially credited to Her desire to not only get even, but stamp dominance, She wishes to make an example of anyone who belittles Her in any way, shape or form. That feeling of emptiness, hurt and inferiority, cut deep to the core. She promised Herself that no one will ever make Her feel that way again.

I sympathize with Her. My heart goes out to Her. I wish She was better able to cope, because we all look up to Her. I think she needs to let go and stop tugging along the baggage of that day. I pray that You will make it back on that path to greatness.

In God we trust.

11-9-11

Kavon McKenzie
Copyright 2011

Exhale

We shared something special that only a minority have ever experienced in their whole lives. I loved you so much, I had to compartmentalize my emotions, my heart, to be able to survive. To this day, no one, not even you, has been able to get me to completely open up and love wholly again. I mean, I know I love you still but even I don't know how much because there are so many sections and chains and doors and vaults that I can only access certain sections at any given point in time.

How did I get here and why am I putting all this out there? Ummm, I really don't know to explain it but I hope it makes sense to you when I'm done. Soooo, for the past couple months I've been on an emotional rollercoaster that I've been able to somewhat brush off. It got worse when my friend was going through her ordeal of dealing with a breakup. She felt the need to do a postmortem with me so that she could understand, in an effort to let go. For the couple times I have had to assist, it raised a lot of questions, doubts, insecurities that I never knew I had, or never took seriously. For the past couple days, I have crawled under a rock. I guess you could label that rock as depression. Things just keep adding to it, like I find myself listening to Adele's "21" album a lot and the songs are constantly stuck in ma head. Yesterday, I realized how much I missed you, how much you meant and how many things were affected by our relationship and how things panned out. Then today, I watched "The Adjustment Bureau" and I broke.

I don't know how to move forward. I have no idea if this will bring closure. I don't know anything anymore. I just feel lost.

We had something great. Just so you know, I don't blame you for things being the way they are. You were struggling with your beliefs and you were convinced that focusing solely on God would correct all the "wrong" you did in the past. We had many chances after that, but I kept pushing you away because it didn't feel like it once did. I now understand why it didn't at the time. I shutdown and had my defences up ever since that summer. And as much as I'm sure I have loved, it was never with the same depth or capacity. Only a small section was open and where ever it maxed it, so be it, no other sections were allowed to be flooded or contaminated.

I feel like I missed my one opportunity to be truly happy and this is me paying dearly for it.





Kavon McKenzie Copyright 2011

Trust

Ever so often, we're instructed to "trust no-one". These words echoed by seemingly independent "islands", sporting the scars of betrayal. A large number of us grow up with trust issues, that is later on compounded by our very own experiences. It's tiring having your guard up all the time. Thus, subconsciously, we secretly search for that person that we can be at ease in their presence. It's comforting knowing someone has your back. You can catch a breather, rejuvenate and get back to being that rock you want everyone to believe you are. You see, no man is an island.

It is also true that "anyone who trusts no-one, cannot be trusted". Well to some extent, I do agree. From my standpoint, I trust people to fuck up all the time, and so, I expect any possible result once I incorporate anyone else in any of my plans or life in general. Every man has his price. If you have not been bought as yet, no one has matched or exceeded your price. How much are you worth?


Kavon McKenzie Copyright 2011

Relationships

We all have different personalised philosophies on life
After all, everyone has their own mind
Ever rummaging through our thoughts
sorting emotions, convictions, on a quest to find...
Happiness, comfort, love, security, wealth
For some, redemption, in essence, a reason to live
And as much as we boast about being modern and refined
When it comes to certain interactions with each other, we even breathe primitive
Relationships are not complicated, we are
But it's so much easier to blame the ship since so many sink
It's easy to sail on calm waters but what of storms or icebergs
If it's not done right, even great chemistry will be nothing more than history like titanic
Your thoughts versus my thoughts
Your actions versus mine
We assume and react
Pushing and pulling at the same time
But how do we meet each other on common ground?
How do we compromise without giving up our identities?
How does the two become one yet maintain individuality?
How do you keep it simple stupid and avoid the complexity?

- March 9, 2011


Kavon McKenzie Copyright 2011

wheel of fortune

Why is it that the ones you try hardest with,
are the ones that make you feel worthless?
Love like you've never been hurt right?
Well I tried it
Typical example of misery loving company
Do we find ourselves overcompensating
For mistakes we made in the past?
Reluctant to let go or give up something that won't last
Am I just a bitter, spoiled brat
who didn't get his own way?
Either way, love sucks
It hurts to this day
I really should just throw in the towel
I'm takin u out the alphabet
I'm good with I, no more vowels



Kavon McKenzie Copyright 2011

out with the old....

We all said farewell to yet another year. Welcoming a new year with renewed hope and heightened expectations. Resolutions? I have none. I do wish to get well soon though. Been fighting this damn sickness for the past couple days though. Guess that was my gift for the new year. Be assured I need a better one for my birthday that's exactly one week away.

You'll definitely hear more from me as the month, year progresses. I always have so much to say, so I'm gonna take the time. Will u listen?

Have a wonderful year being the best you that you can be.

Peace

Kavon McKenzie Copyright 2011